So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
