We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
