He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
