please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
