How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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