tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
