He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
