I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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