whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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