I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
