PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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