4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
