Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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