So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
