so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
