That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
