Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ladies don't puke and tell
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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