i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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