You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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