you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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