2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
