quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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