Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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