in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
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