My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my shit smells like andre
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
