HIV tests are more positive than that guy
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
