did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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