just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
