I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
