i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
