My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
