Nicole vs. Life
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
