At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
