y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There's always time for handjobs
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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