well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
