I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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