i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
