He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
