i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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