Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
