Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
