Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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