i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
