Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
