Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
