Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
