Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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