And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
