Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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