Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
